No Crabs for ME!

This weekend, our family had the pleasure of spending a couple of days on the beach with our friends the Henderson’s. They are a very fun loving Christian family with two little girls that are the same age as our boys. The kids had a great time playing on the beach together. My favorite time on the beach is sunset. The colors are so vivid with unbelievable shades of color, blended perfectly with an artistic touch that is nothing short of magical. While walking with the kids on the beach one night we noticed that it looked like the sand was moving. As we peered closer, it was actually ghost crabs scurrying across the sand. They were busily working to excavate their homes in the sand and defend their territory to other crabs. We ran into the house to get flashlights and we went on an official crab hunt.

We enjoyed our crab hunts and the time spent with the Henderson’s. There are a few relationships that you have in life that you work hard at preserving. They not only are enjoyable, but they fill you up as well. If you are lucky, you find others that you are so connected with that they actually challenge and push you to grow and not be content with simply being “better.” They push you to be the “best.” The best in: your personal growth, in your spiritual relationships, in your family dynamics, and in your professional growth. They help to propel you to achieve your dreams and climb to extraordinary heights. The Henderson’s are one of the relationships in our life that help us strive to be the best.

From birth to adulthood we learn to become good citizens and well-adjusted adults in the world of work and life. Many people make this transformation relatively successfully and lead somewhat normal, happy lives. Some people make it to adulthood grumbling and blaming the world for all the "bad things" it brings their way. Others can't make the adjustment at all and wind up as less than productive members of society.

What I'll call the "normal" group - the one that achieves a somewhat happy existence - learns to live by a set of rules, norms, and expectations that often limit their growth, potential, and true greatness. They are typically content with mediocrity and if they can move from being “good” to being “better” they are satisfied. They most always surround themselves with other’s like them or potentially a little under their “perceived” performance level with the psychological interpretation that if you surround yourself with those that you perceive to be “under you”, the higher you stand (and the better you feel about yourself.)

A few members of this "normal" group discover something special about themselves, they make a choice to excel, and then take action to create the life of their dreams. They are willing to take informed risks and even though the unknown is scary, they will explore it to find the opportunity that quietly awaits there. They choose to find what their strengths are and they capitalize on those. They strive to be the best. They are not content with simply striving for “better.”

You see, the normal group wants its members to be just normal. By the way, work groups and some families act in the same manner. They discourage their members from getting ahead (of the other normal group members).

The Normal Group is what I will call “Crabby.”

If you've ever been crabbing, you've seen the "normal" group in action!

You catch crabs by inserting dead bait fish into a wire crab trap. You then lower it to the bottom of the bay. Crabs attach themselves to the meat and begin eating. You raise the meat and catch the crabs in a net. Then you throw the crabs into a bucket to keep them from running around the boat and pinching people.

Watch the crabs and you will see that as soon as one crab tries to escape the bucket by climbing out, the other crabs will pull it back down into the bucket. There's no escape from the bucket. Life is often like that. A person wants to get ahead and knows that there is more to work and life than what they are presently experiencing.

It is time for you to get out of the bucket!

It takes personal leadership to become aware that escaping the normal is possible. It takes personal leadership to choose and commit to creating the best life that you can. It takes personal leadership to take the actions necessary to propel yourself and create the new future you imagine and want. Part of escaping the normal is also choosing to surround yourself with others like the Henderson’s that will push you to be the best. The other part is investing in others to help them grow and get out of the bucket as well. By helping other’s stand tall and strong, it actually enhances your success.

You can do it. . . All things are possible. Don't let the other crabs in your life prevent you from developing your unique potential and discovering your greatness.

Friends Helping Friends Picture

Thought you would enjoy a picture of the girls that are "driving" the Friends Helping Friends project this year. Erin Streeter (bottom left) and Terry Milling (above her) are the founding members of this project. They decided to extend their hearts and include Arianna (next to me) and Faith (below her). It is amazing to watch the girls create a movement within the community! I appreciate them sharing their lives with us, it is not an easy thing to do when you are facing such adversity. I learn something new every time I am around them. Consciously developing and investing in others is so critical at any stage. I am watching these young girls learn the principles of investing in others and as they are doing so, they are getting stronger, despite all of the illness that surrounds their life. Every life they touch, is richer because of it! Check out their website at http://www.fhfproject.com. For a listing of events coming up go to http://www.brusters.com/mcdonough

Rock on GIRLS! I love you! Christina

Benefit Concert

I wanted to share an incredible experience with you. I have started a not for profit organization called, “Friends Helping Friends.” It is an organization that raises awareness of childhood cancer and raises money for children that are experiencing cancer that live in our community. This is an incredible organization, but that is not the incredible part that I wanted to share with you.

The leadership team that is leading our franchise are the incredible ones! They have given so much of their time and talent to ensure that the children of “Friends Helping Friends” have the support that they need. They have attracted so much community attention that other businesses approached us and wanted us to help them with a benefit concert for FHF. The team decided that they would take the initiative to make it happen, and I had the pleasure of watching from afar as they stepped forward and lead other business owners. Led them to get involved with a community cause as well as teaching them about cause marketing. Due to their leadership and their willingness to step forward for a cause, many different events are being held for the FHF project: A bike ride with over 150 people, golf tournaments and other fundraisers. Through their leadership they are creating a movement within our community. Maybe one day, a movement nationwide!

The old adage, You're only as strong as the people around you is true. Yet so many of us in management tend to forget it, and in doing so we weaken our own management and leadership power bases.

Many of us fall into the trap of hoarding power, even when we don't think we are. We hoard our power by limiting the information we share. We hoard our power by not delegating the authority, as well as the responsibility, for projects. We hoard our power by interacting with only a select group of key employees.

The problem with hoarding power is that one person can effectively control just so much power. There's a point at which one person can focus and manage effectively. This point, once reached, will then limit how much and how effectively the organization will grow and operate. This point, once reached, also marks the limit of our management and leadership power. If I had not given the power, the authority or the responsibility to my leadership team, they would have never been able to inspire an entire community. The effect of FHF would be limited and a nation wide program would not be a reality.

To ensure your ability and your limits for management effectiveness and power continue to grow - give some of your power away. What! Give away a limited resource! Are you nuts? Maybe. But give power to those around you and you'll see your organization surpass its former limitations.

Share the appropriate information with the appropriate personnel so they can learn and take on additional responsibilities. Delegate the authority as well as the responsibility for projects to give others opportunities to learn and to experience the true highs and lows of project management. Give power to those outside your normal select group to identify prospective new key players. Give others the opportunities to become powerful in their own rights. The stronger they become; the stronger you become.

Empower your people. Leverage your power. Grow a powerful organization.

Relationships~Investing in others is essential

In your business relationships and in life, failing to consciously develop and invest in others, causes erosion of trust and belief in you and all you stand for. When compared to all of the worries and tasks that we have for ourselves, investing in others may seem like a minor task on our to-do list for the day. Even though we may categorize this as a “little thing” in the grand scheme of life, we must remember that the little things add up to a lot for our people. And that affects you and in the end, your business and life success.

Investing in others is very important to me, and I try hard to 'do unto others as I would wish them do unto me'. It hasn't always worked that way for me though. There have been times in my previous career - times that I can remember vividly even now - when promises were not kept, decisions were made that negatively affected me and yet positively benefited the decision maker, and where I was not on the best end of the wheeling and dealing that are part of corporate politics.

For me, creating honorable relationships that truly connect with my people has always been important. It is a two-way street. Recently I had a scare with a potential re-occurrence of breast cancer. I did not want to worry my team with it until I knew something for sure. I sent an email Sunday evening letting them know that I was going to take a couple of days off, but if they needed to contact me that they could reach me on my cell phone. No fan fare, no emotion, just a simple notice that was not a whole lot different than any other communication that I would have sent on an ordinary day.

Every member of my team felt the uneasiness and contacted me to ensure that I was ok or as one put it, “you freakishly fell off.” I was amazed at their level of connectedness to me as well as their concern. They were all on the edge of their seats until the tests came back….thank goodness they were negative. A couple even cried when the results came in.

The support and connection that they offered me at that time came from an environment of fairness, honesty and trust that had grown over time as well as from conscious efforts of investing in each other. They knew that if it had been them, I would have offered the same.

It was as if, as Steven Covey says, in 'The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People', I had enough credit in my 'emotional bank account' to tide me over.

I'd never realized that I had that credit, but looking back, my standards and values were daily deposits, gained partly by investing in them and giving them a piece of me to help build them and their success. You get back what you give out. There's no better time to start than right now.

Why 97% of people will never win!

I went to visit a client today that requested I evaluate one of his franchisees. I have been working with this client on the “Good, Better, Best” leadership principles and they have been so helpful to him, that he wanted to see if I could meet with one of his most difficult franchisees and potentially light the fire within him as well. He prepped me about the nature and “heart” of this owner. He described him to be very adversarial, loud and verbally abusive. District Managers refused to work with him and my client was ready to ask him to sell. Upon arriving at the store, the owner briskly walked over to us before we could even shut the car doors. He stood in front of us with his arms firmly crossed and a furrowed brow. The first words out of his mouth were very pointed as he stated, “What are you going to tell me now?” He was as rigid as an ice sculpture. After some small talk, I decided to steer away from the business side of the discussion and started to ask about his family. It was as if this ice sculpture was placed directly on the equator as his defense armor melted when he started to talk about his young son. Before I knew it, this owner that had created such animosity had tears streaming down his face. He ran inside of the building and brought a picture to me. It was a picture of his son when he was about three years old. His son was pointing to a sign that read “Coming Soon” with one hand and thumbs up sign with his other hand. This owner started telling me the story of how he and his family had great dreams of this business making a better life for them and instead of that, his son now hated him. He hated him because his mom and dad chose to work the business more than they chose to spend time with him. It was not really the company or the district managers that he was reacting to. He did not have a bad nature or a tainted heart. He was simply experiencing the affects of his choices and his posturing of defense instead of choosing to make a change. With this attitude, he was sure not to achieve his dreams.

Look at the people around you. What do you see? Stress? Unhappiness? Boredom?

Most people will never escape what we call the 'rat race' to achieve any semblance of freedom in their lives for some very simple reasons. A basic fact of this game we call life is that you can't win simply by playing defense. This holds true for any game really. Most people are stuck defending a job they hate so they can make a mortgage or rent payment on a home they don't care for so they can keep their credit rating and avoid bankruptcy

When you look closely, most of the decisions an average person makes on a daily basis are simply defensive in nature. This is all fine and dandy as long as a person doesn't mind fighting their way through life. You can't win a game simply by playing defense.

So how can one 'win' this game we call life? Well, for starters, we can stop defending things in our current lives that we don't particularly care for in the first place. If you loathe your job why do you keep showing up? That car of yours is probably not one you particularly care for so why do you keep making the payments?

Assuredly you've got an answer such as "I have to keep working or else __________ will happen." That's called playing defense. Once again, this is fine if you're content to struggle through life without chance of winning, but I'm willing to bet that's not the case.

You see, the first key to success in life is to stop defending the things you do have that you didn't really want in the first place and, yes, this takes courage. Luckily there is no competition in life for people who show even the slightest amount of persistent courage.

Playing 'not to lose' simply affirms over and over that you already have what you want because after all you're defending it. So step 1 in achieving life success is to stop defending the things already in your life that you don't particularly care for. When you do this you'll have time to play offense for a change and finally have a chance of winning the game! Rest assured, with 97% of people out there stuck playing defense against each other even a small offensive effort on your part is likely to win you the game. There (still) is no competition for those who choose to play this game on purpose. Life is to short not to.